Hold the Pendulum

The world’s moving too fast, what’s happening?  It feels just like I’ve aged ten years, I’m a twenty-something year old who feels old, really old.  Damn it.  I’m so busy with studying that I’m neglecting ‘me’; I don’t know what to do anymore.

What if the pressure builds up?  What if I lost control?

I’m scared, confused and tired.  I’ll throw ‘demotivated’ in there while I’m at it.

I was listening to ‘Ruby’ by the Kaiser Chiefs and parts of the lyrics hit close to home, “Cos there’s so little else occupying my head/There is nothing I need except the function to breathe.”….”Let the clocks be reset and the pendulums held/Cos there’s nothing at all except the space in between.”  Listen to the song and watch their video here.

Ils Ignorent

It’s very windy outside today and I hate windy weather. My hair blows around and the wind thinks it’s funny when I’m being blown around here and there. Evil, evil wind.

My cell phone isn’t working and I feel as if a limb has been hacked off of my body. I never knew my cell phone was so important to me until it died. On second thought, I never received text messages, nobody called, so why on earth am I so blue that I don’t have it? Scratch the importance of a cell phone, at least my mp3 player is working! I’m currently listening to Coldplay, I’ve always liked them, but I’ve neglected them for a few months and when they played on my mp3 player earlier this morning I couldn’t stop listening to their tracks…over and over again.

I love their ‘Talk’ video. I remember when it came out last year(?) I thought it was the most original video I had ever seen. I’m currently listening to it now and a girl sitting next to me (I’m at university) just looked at me as if I’ve lost the plot. What did I do right after she shot me the look? I increased the volume. Stubborn, aren’t I?

My favourite part is, “So you don’t know where you’re going and you want to talk?/And you feel like you’re going where you’ve been before?/You tell anyone who’ll listen but you feel ignored./Nothing is really making any sense at all.”

I really relate to that part. I think I’m at a point in my life where I’m not sure what I want or what I’m looking forward to. I’m trying hard to satisfy those who expect so much from me (dare I mention who??) I can’t stand the look of disappointment and trust me, I’ve seen it a lot. There actually come times in my life where I’ll talk to anyone if they’ll listen. Nobody seems to want to listen to a confused twenty something.

“When You Worry…

…your face will frown.”

I’ve done nothing but worry lately, it’s sunken into my bones. I can’t begin to describe how much work I’ve got to do for university. If university isn’t enough, I’ve got domestic chores to get through. Is ‘pleasing les parents‘ a chore? I’m sure it is, and it’s a pain at most times. I have to make sure I’m on their good sides no matter what it takes: a limb, an eye, digits, sanity. Enough about that.

I’m broke, very broke as a matter of fact. There isn’t any jingling in my pockets; I demand jingling pockets! I will accept donations if I have to – well, not really; I’m not that desperate. I’m exhausted.

I’m watching live coverage of the Oscars countdown and I’m getting really bored. I don’t care how much of a zombie Marc Anthony looks like, I don’t care what Penelope Cruz is wearing (I personally thinks she looks like an ostrich), I also don’t care how ugly Cameron Diaz’s nose is. Wait, that’s a lie, I can’t help but notice how really ugly her nose is, what has she done to it??? What about Jessica Beil’s blinding fuschia dress? Oh my goodness, what is Jada Pinkett-Smith wearing? Oh my, I’ve turned into a superficial woman, not a good sign – not a good sign at all. Okay back to my superficial ways, who thought Penelope was hilarious saying, “I woke up this morning nervous, too mats [much]“? (Now I’m being very mean).

I just flipped the channel, it’s for the best.

I feel awfully better now; I also feel guilty. That’s what I get for making fun of people. “Karma, Jay, don’t forget karma.” Yeah, yeah, I know. I’m so tempted to flip back to the countdown..”No Jay, you know better! Do you really want to watch celebrities strut around the red carpet talking about their designer clothes and million dollar jewelery?” Umm, maybe.

Best thing to do now – to avoid temptation- is head to bed because I won’t be able to to handle anymore one-on-one discussions with myself; I already have enough going on in my head!

Good night and I wish you all a star studded evening.

Spit Valve, Anyone?

Adjusting to waking up at the wee hours of the morning is a pain in the butt, and if anybody says otherwise, they’re a big fat liar. Funny (funny?) thing is, I’ve been back to university for two weeks and now I’ve got a week off. “Jay, don’t you love public holidays?” Yeah, I guess. The disadvantage though, is that my sleeping patterns get ruined and trying to adjust again in two weeks is excruciating. The horror, oh the horror.

For some unknown reason, I’ve managed to bite off my fingernails. I don’t need anyone to remind me what it means when I bite my nails and I also don’t need anyone to remind me how disgusting my fingers look; I already know. I’ve been so stressed out lately but in a way, I’m used to it. Truckloads of reading, summarizing, preparation and the heaviest truckload of all: family. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to whoop in joy or pull my hair out when I mention the “f” word.

I’m the eldest of three and it isn’t a piece of cake; I’ve always been the guinea pig, “Hey, let’s try this out on Jay…crap, didn’t work, alright, now we know how to do it right.” Oh joy, oh joy, oh joy. Issues doesn’t even start to describe what I’ve got, I think I would have been classified as a down right psycho if I hadn’t channeled my frustration towards reading or music. Ahh..music. Once upon a time I used to be a great (stretching the truth there) trumpeter but the whole spit valve thing really grossed me out, so I quit and now I can’t play a trumpet to save my life. “Way to go Jay…could you be any stupider?” I take it that was a rhetorical question, right?

I’m eating yoghurt right now and it’s very delicious. Nothing like a cup of yoghurt to drive the blues away.

Introducing you to one of my favourite songs of all time:

 

I can never get bored of that song, c’est impossible!