I am not who you think I am, I never will be.
It’s been a little over a year since I’ve touched this blog!!! Wow! Wow!! Wow! What happened to the girl who said she’d never give up on her blog?
I can’t believe how different the post-compose section has changed, it looks SO different now! I feel like a stranger in my own land, does that make any sense?
I’ll be blogging more often, promise!
The world’s moving too fast, what’s happening? It feels just like I’ve aged ten years, I’m a twenty-something year old who feels old, really old. Damn it. I’m so busy with studying that I’m neglecting ‘me’; I don’t know what to do anymore.
What if the pressure builds up? What if I lost control?
I’m scared, confused and tired. I’ll throw ‘demotivated’ in there while I’m at it.
I was listening to ‘Ruby’ by the Kaiser Chiefs and parts of the lyrics hit close to home, “Cos there’s so little else occupying my head/There is nothing I need except the function to breathe.”….”Let the clocks be reset and the pendulums held/Cos there’s nothing at all except the space in between.” Listen to the song and watch their video here.
It’s very windy outside today and I hate windy weather. My hair blows around and the wind thinks it’s funny when I’m being blown around here and there. Evil, evil wind.
My cell phone isn’t working and I feel as if a limb has been hacked off of my body. I never knew my cell phone was so important to me until it died. On second thought, I never received text messages, nobody called, so why on earth am I so blue that I don’t have it? Scratch the importance of a cell phone, at least my mp3 player is working! I’m currently listening to Coldplay, I’ve always liked them, but I’ve neglected them for a few months and when they played on my mp3 player earlier this morning I couldn’t stop listening to their tracks…over and over again.
I love their ‘Talk’ video. I remember when it came out last year(?) I thought it was the most original video I had ever seen. I’m currently listening to it now and a girl sitting next to me (I’m at university) just looked at me as if I’ve lost the plot. What did I do right after she shot me the look? I increased the volume. Stubborn, aren’t I?
My favourite part is, “So you don’t know where you’re going and you want to talk?/And you feel like you’re going where you’ve been before?/You tell anyone who’ll listen but you feel ignored./Nothing is really making any sense at all.”
I really relate to that part. I think I’m at a point in my life where I’m not sure what I want or what I’m looking forward to. I’m trying hard to satisfy those who expect so much from me (dare I mention who??) I can’t stand the look of disappointment and trust me, I’ve seen it a lot. There actually come times in my life where I’ll talk to anyone if they’ll listen. Nobody seems to want to listen to a confused twenty something.